[RL with Roxy - the price of science windows]

[thatsmyyogurt]

[Welcome to Michael's loft, Roxy! Things you might notice about it:

It's big! ...this is because for the most part it's one big room, with a lofted area that seems to be an office space and a kitchen area marked off by a counter. One of your fancy rehabbed lofts, this is not.

Michael is apparently not big on furniture, judging by the lack of things like, say, a bedframe for that mattress (hey, the sheets are clean, that's practically luxury).

It's hot. That would be because it's unairconditioned. In Miami.

There are other things- for example, if you open the fridge you'll find cups of blueberry yogurt, bottles of beer, and a lonely green bell pepper. But that would require you to get to the fridge before Michael comes in off the balcony, which is unlikely. Though you can try.]

Comments

[thatsmyyogurt]

It's not bad. [Beats a cave in Afghanistan any day.]

Pumpkin rounds?

[zuipperpips]

The guys who live on my island are kinda helpless, so I zap over pumpkins from Jake sometimes to feed them. He's got tons and tons, so he's never missed 'em. [ speaking of food, her head's in the fridge right now, seeing what she can find ] You eat takeout a lot or something?

[thatsmyyogurt]

[At this point he has to wonder if the "zap" there is literal.]

Yeah, I do. [Though maybe it's a bit more eating out than takeout, even if it's cheap eating out. Also: a lot of yogurt.]

You live on an island? Where?

[zuipperpips]

The ocean? [ she shuts the door to the fridge and boosts herself up to sit on the counter ] North forty-four, west seventy-four. Ish. No point goin' to six decimals, right?

[thatsmyyogurt]

[North forty-four, west seventy-four... Michael frowns.]

Wouldn't that be in New York state?

[zuipperpips]

Sure, in 2012. Man, see what I did, dangle that in front of a smartypants like you? This visit just got super interesting to you, didn't it?

[thatsmyyogurt]

[Yeah, he can't deny that. He pulls out one of the stools next to the counter and sits down, crossing his arms.]

So what happened after 2012?

[zuipperpips]

Whole lotta nastyass fishy bullshit pulled out of an overgrown guppy's sandy vajayjay. The world's mostly flooded, and humans are basically extinct.

[thatsmyyogurt]

[She gets raised eyebrows for that very creative language.

And a pause for the apocalypse. This really should surprise him more than it does. What is that community doing to him?]

That's not good.

[zuipperpips]

Wow, understatement of the century. Anyway, yeah, seven billion down to two in four centuries. The guys on my island aren't humans, they're like, chess people? It's complicated. And I've got my cats. [ she perks up, the mark of a true cat person ] Every one of them is the cutest and friendliest cat in the world, oh my God.

[thatsmyyogurt]

[Let it never be said that Michael misses an opportunity to be the driest person in the room.

Unfortunately, Michael is not a cat person, and is a bit more interested in what came before the cats in the conversation.]

Chess people? [Like...living pieces?]

[zuipperpips]

Yyyyeah it's complicated. They're a kind of alien, I'm pretty sure, except most of them spent their whole lives on Earth so they're like, second-gen aliens? They're all black and white and have hard shells and kinda round heads, so they look a little like chess pieces.

[thatsmyyogurt]

So...did aliens aliens cause the...fishy stuff?

[what is his life that he is asking this]

[zuipperpips]

Yeah. Not the chess aliens, they're good guys mostly, they just got dragged into it. We're talkin about Her Imperious Conde-fuckin-cension. Landed on Earth in the beginning of the 20th century, started an international baking corporation, fucked everyone's shit up starting from the early 21st century.

[thatsmyyogurt]

[Okay, there's a certain kind of comic-book logic to that (literally for all he knows, there are people who are also comics characters on the community after all), but-]

...A baking corporation?

[seriously?]

[zuipperpips]

Think about it! Everyone needs food, right? Lets her get her nasty tentacles all up into everyone's bodies. Here... [ she hops off the counter to dig around in the cupboards. And then a second cupboard. And then takes a second look in the fridge. And then pokes her head into the cupboard under the sink. ] Holy shit, I've found the world's first yogurtarian.

[thatsmyyogurt]

[Yes you have.

But Michael gives a bit of a "seriously?" look for a moment before speaking.] I try not to buy things unless I know I'm going to use them soon.

So what did the F.D.A. have to say about this alien? [Not to mention the corporate spies from other baking companies.]